I’ve been trying to start this story for over a month. I had a good two chapters going, but I didn’t like them. It took some analyzing of my plans to realize what should have been obvious to me. Drake is the main character. I pretty much always write a guy as my main character. But I was trying to plot the story as if Kaitlyn was the main character. But she’s not. At least not in book one.
So I started over, and things were better. But I still felt like something was missing. So I decided what I needed was a prologue from Kaityln’s point of view. This would give the reader a glimpse of Kaitlyn—who will be the catalyst for all that happens to Drake—from the start. I wanted to show the reader what Kaitlyn was dealing with before Drake shows up.
And that is what I’ve written here.
A warning: Very strange things are happening with Kaitlyn’s brother Quinn.
And now I give you the Prologue to Onyx Eyes.
Prologue
“By the time I got to homeroom, Quinn was standing on the teacher’s desk in his boxers, dancing,” Sophia said.
Kaitlyn’s cheeks tingled with shock. “My brother?” The commotion of the packed cafeteria softened as Sophia’s accusation rang in her ears.
Across the table, Janelle set down her bottle of Pepsi. “Someone must have threatened him.”
“Nope,” Sophia said. “He did it on his own.”
“But Quinn is so shy,” Janelle said. “He would never dance in public, if he’d even dance at all.”
Kaitlyn smashed her fork into her gravy and mashed potatoes. Normally she would have agreed with Janelle, but her brother had been acting strange lately. Very strange. But this . . . What was wrong with him? Drugs, maybe?
Please, God, don’t let it be drugs!
“You didn’t see how it happened?” Kaitlyn asked.
Sophia leaned so close that Kaitlyn could smell her shampoo. “Tammy said the cheerleaders were showing off for Russ Martin and his friends. I guess they were dancing to some song on Whitney’s iPod. Then Quinn walked in and started dancing with them. And Whitney told him to take his moves elsewhere.”
“That’s it?” He’d gotten off pretty good then. Whitney had been evil to Quinn ever since he’d told her she was pretty when they were in the fifth grade.
“Yep,” Sophia said. “And then he climbed up on the desk. I guess people started cheering, and that’s when the clothing started to fly.”
Quinn, why? Kaitlyn pressed her hands to her cheeks, shocked that her sweet-natured older brother would do something so weird. “This was before Mr. Wright got there?”
“Yeah. And can I just say, your brother is not the skeleton he once was.” Sophia fanned her face with her hand. “He must be working out or something because he is ripped.”
Kaitlyn snorted a laugh. “No, he’s not. The JV coach won’t even play him because he always gets hurt.” Why Quinn kept going out for the basketball team when he had no skill was beyond her.
“Agreed,” Janelle said. “Quinn is not strong. Or did you forget about Roaring Springs?”
Their youth group had gone to the waterpark at the end of summer. As always, shy Quinn had refused to take off his shirt. Nonetheless, one dip in the water and it had clung to his skeletal frame. Some of the guys—knowing he was a Trekkie—had started calling him Bones.
“Yeah, I was there,” Sophia snapped, “but this eyewitness begs to differ. He is Bones no longer.” She pulled her purse in front of her and dug out her cell phone. “But he’s still a nerd. He was wearing Doctor Who boxers.”
“Nuh uh,” Janelle said.
“Yes huh,” Sophia said, looking at her phone. “They looked like the blue box thingy.”
“I didn’t know they made Doctor Who underwear,” Janelle said. “I want some.”
Sophia wrinkled her nose at Janelle’s TARDIS T-shirt. “You would.”
“They make every kind of underwear,” Kaitlyn said, “and Quinn has a collection of nerdly drawers. Mom bought him a pack of Star Trek ones for his last birthday in yellow, blue, and expendable red. He’s even got a Superman pair complete with a cape on the back.”
“Okay, way too much information about your brother’s underwear,” Janelle said. “Why do you even know this?”
“Laundry is one of my chores,” Kaitlyn said. “Now, can we talk about something else? It’s bad enough I have to wash my brother’s underwear. I don’t want to talk about it while I’m eating lunch.”
“But I didn’t get to tell you the best part,” Sophia said.
Kaitlyn winced. “There’s a best part?”
Sophia sucked in a long breath between her teeth and flashed a playful grin. “Whitney got up on the desk and danced with him.”
Janelle slammed her Pepsi bottle down on the table. “Nuh uh.”
Yeah right. Kaitlyn smirked at Sophia. “Whitney, the girl who has tortured my brother for years?”
Sophia’s eyes went wide. “I’m not making this up, I swear. Check it out.” Sophia held out her iPhone, which showed Quinn’s Facebook page. He’d been tagged in a half dozen pictures of him and Whitney.
On Mr. Wright’s desk.
Kaitlyn gasped and snatched the phone from Sophia to get a better look. Yep, those were his TARDIS boxer shorts, all right. “No way!” Whitney and her brother were dirty dancing. She squinted. He did look impossibly muscular. “I don’t understand.” She didn’t understand any of this. What was going on? “I wish Octavia was here.” Kaitlyn’s best friend and neighbor was home sick today. “She’d know what to do.”
“I already texted her,” Sophia said. “She didn’t answer.”
Janelle made a sudden choking sound, like a dog with a bone stuck in its throat. “Uh, Kaitlyn.” She stared past Kaitlyn’s head, face pale. “You might want to turn around.”
Kaitlyn tore her gaze away from the iPhone and Janelle and turned. Every head in the cafeteria was facing the entrance. Kaitlyn couldn’t see over everyone’s heads, so she stood up.
Just in time to see Quinn and Whitney glide up to the lunch counter, hand in hand.
● ● ●
“What are you doing?” Kaitlyn hissed. She’d cornered Quinn outside the door to the choir room after witnessing a tongue war between him and Whitney, who, thankfully, was not in choir.
Quinn grinned at her. “Well, hello to you too, pretty girl.”
Kaitlyn wrinkled her nose. “Quinn, this is not funny. Why are you acting so weird? Are you doing drugs?”
Quinn frowned. “Dregs of what?”
“And I thought you liked Janelle. So what’s with you and Whitney?”
“Oh, her.” A lazy grin crossed his face. “She likes me.”
“Since when?”
He shrugged. “What do you care?” Then the lazy grin returned. “Oh, I get it. You like me too. And who’s Janelle? You know, there’s plenty of me to go around.”
Kaitlyn punched him in the arm. “I’m your sister, you moron. And I’m telling Mom that you need to see a doctor.”
“Wait, sister? Oh, yeah. Hey, I’m okay, sister girl. I don’t need any doctors, though. I’m fine. Just fine.”
“Then stop acting like a maniac.”
Quinn tapped his knuckle against his chin. “What did I do wrong?”
So, so much, Quinn. “Dancing in your underwear in public, for one.”
He nodded, a frown of concentration on his face. “Okay, no underwear dancing. Got it. What else?”
“Um . . . making out with Whitney in the hall? Did you suddenly forget all the horrible things she’s done to you over the years?”
“Yes,” he said. “Please refresh my memory.”
Unbelievable. “I don’t understand what—”
The bell rang.
Kaitlyn growled in frustration. “Look, we’ll talk about this at home. Just . . . stop being so weird.”
“Got it, sister girl.” He held up a fist. “It’s a pact. No more weird.”
“Quinn! Even the way you’re talking is weird!”
“Sorry! I’m trying my best. I’ll get the hang of things soon, I promise. Just . . . no doctors, okay?”
“Whatever.” She pushed past him and walked into the choir room. She spotted Janelle sitting on the risers, and headed toward her. Kaitlyn and Janelle were both sopranos. Janelle’s spot was on the top row, next to Quinn, who was a bass. Kaitlyn’s spot was directly in front of Janelle.
“What’s wrong?” Janelle asked.
“You’re lucky to be an only child,” Kaitlyn said, sinking onto the riser in front of her friend.
“What did he do now?”
“Nothing.” Kaitlyn was not about to tell Janelle about the kiss she’d witnessed, though she really wanted to talk to someone about the weirdness Quinn had been displaying lately.
Not Janelle, though. Kaitlyn needed to do what she could to mend the rift that was growing between Quinn and Janelle. The Quinn/Whitney hand-holding had been bad enough. She didn’t think Janelle could handle the scene she’d just witnessed outside the choir room.
Octavia was the only person Kaitlyn felt close enough to share such secrets. She’d visit her after today’s game.
“Hey, Quinn,” Janelle said.
Kaitlyn twisted around on the risers until she was looking up at her brother, who had taken his assigned seat.
Good. So far, normal.
Until Quinn glanced at Janelle, then doubled back to stare. At her chest.
Kaitlyn slapped his knee. “Hey!”
He shook out of his daze and looked to Kaityln, then back to Janelle. He pointed at her shirt. “That image is on my breeches. What does it mean?”
Janelle’s cheeks flushed.
Breeches? “That’s Doctor Who. Your favorite TV show.”
“TV is television. And Doctor Who is a television character?” He winced like he was hoping he’d made a correct guess.
“Yee-ah.” Maybe he’d hit his head, had amnesia, or something. That might explain things.
“Up, up, everyone,” Mrs. Silver sang. “Let’s warm up our voices.”
Kaitlyn turned around and stood.
The choir ran through some scales and their daily warm-up song. When they finished, Mrs. Silver’s gaze focused just over Kaitlyn’s head.
“Yes, Quinn?” Mrs. Silver said.
Kaitlyn glanced at her brother, who had his arm stretched in the air. He lowered it. “I need to visit the bathroom.”
Mrs. Silver raised one penciled-in eyebrow. “You can wait until class is over.”
“I can’t, actually,” Quinn said. “I didn’t go at lunch because . . . well, I was preoccupied.” He grinned dreamily for a moment, looking off to the side. He twitched suddenly and looked back to Mrs. Silver. “It completely slipped my mind.”
Because he was too busy slipping his tongue into Whitney’s mouth. Eww, Kaitlyn. Let’s not relive the horror.
“Mr. Peterson, I have no sympathy for you,” Mrs. Silver said. “My ‘no passes’ policy is known to all. I will not make an exception for you and your slipped mind.”
The woman had no idea how very accurate that description was.
“You’re forbidding me to leave the room?” Quinn asked.
“I am, which should come as no surprise to you. Now, let’s take it from the top. One, two, three, and—”
The class started to sing,
“While the sun was going down,
There arose a fairy town.
Not the town I saw by day,
Cheerless, joyless, dull, and gray,
But a far, fantastic place,
Builded with ethereal grace.”
“Is she serious?” Quinn’s voice from behind Kaitlyn made her wince. Why was he talking during the song?
“Always,” Janelle whispered.
“You mind if I have that bottle in your bag?”
Kaitlyn peeked behind her in time to see Quinn crouch and pull Janelle’s half-drank Pepsi bottle out of the bag between her feet.
Quinn held it between them. “Well, can I?”
Janelle shrugged and whispered, “Sure.”
Quinn twisted off the top and guzzled the remaining soda, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“Is there a problem, Kaitlyn?” Mrs. Silver asked.
The singing petered off. Kaitlyn whipped around and felt four dozens sets of eyes burn into her.
“No. No problem.”
“Then let’s continue. One, two, three, and—”
“There no men and women be;
Mermen, maidens of the sea,
Combing out their tangled locks,
Sit and sing around the rocks.”
The risers jerked under Kaitlyn’s feet. She turned her head enough to see that Quinn had jumped off the back. Before she had time to wonder what he was doing, the sound of pouring liquid killed the singing.
“No way!” Michael guffawed, elbowing Ian beside him.
“Is he doing what I think he’s doing?” Ian asked.
“Eww!” Megan screeched.
And then a hush fell over the classroom, which seemed to magnify the sound of pouring liquid.
Apparently, Quinn had jumped off the backside of the risers to . . . relieve himself.
Why? Why would anyone ever . . . ?
All Kaitlyn could see was the top of his head, not that she wanted to see any better. No one moved, shocked by the sound and the horror of Quinn’s actions.
Then the sound stopped. Kaitlyn could see Quinn’s blond hair in the cracks between the bodies standing on the risers as he circled around. He appeared then, twisting the lid onto the bottle, walking toward the front door.
Mrs. Silver stared at him, face pale, eyes rounder than two golf balls.
Quinn set the bottle into the trash can, nodded to Mrs. Silver, then walked behind the risers again. They shook under Kaitlyn’s feet as Quinn climbed back into place.
“Mr. Peterson.” The murmur of his name seemed all Mrs. Silver could muster.
“I’m sorry, but I really couldn’t wait,” Quinn said.
His cocky tone brought back their teacher’s wrath in a hurry. “You will go to Mr. Walker’s office immediately, young man.”
Quinn took in these words, then gave a single, curt nod. He stepped onto Kaitlyn’s row and paused, speaking softly in her ear. “Mr. Walker’s office? That’s not good, is it?”
Kaityln didn’t bother to be discrete. “Of course not!”
“So . . . more to talk about later then, sister girl.” With that, Quinn threaded his way off the risers and walked to the door.
Applause and cheers burst out from Mike, Ian, and a few others who were taking choir only because they needed an elective credit.
When Quinn reached the door, he turned with a flourish, bowed deeply, and winked a farewell to Mrs. Silver.
● ● ●
That night, long after school had ended for the day, Kaitlyn sat in the bleachers, watching her brother play basketball in the varsity game.
The varsity game.
Three hours before, during the fourth quarter of the JV game, Quinn’s coach had put him in when their forward had fouled out. And Quinn had played like he’d been possessed by Chris Paul. He stole the ball a dozen times, made five fast breaks—three in which he dunked the basketball—and he scored at least four three pointers.
The JV team won the game, thanks to Quinn.
And now he was now on the court in the varsity game doing the exact same thing.
Beyond weird.
Perhaps Kaitlyn had slipped into another dimension. A world where her brother was a fearless jock who was dating Whitney Wells.
“He still at it?” Sophia sat down on the bleachers beside Kaitlyn, a cardboard dish of cheesy nachos cradled in one palm, a fountain soda in the other.
“Yeah.” The one consolation in all this was that Kaitlyn wasn’t the only one shocked by Quinn’s behavior. The entire school had been staring all day. No one could look away, unwilling to miss what he might do next. He was all at once dazzling and horrifying.
“Too bad Janelle didn’t stay for the game,” Sophia said. “She’d love to see Quinn play like this.”
Kaitlyn winced. “Maybe.” But Whitney had been waiting for Quinn after choir class, and Janelle hadn’t taken the PDA well.
Plus there was the fact that he’d peed in her soda bottle. Not exactly the kind of behavior that warms a girl’s heart.
“I don’t think she likes the new Quinn,” Kaitlyn said.
“What’s not to like? He’s yummy,” Sophia said.
“And completely psychotic. You didn’t see what he did in choir. With Janelle’s soda bottle!”
“You think she’s scarred for life?”
“She might be. I certainly am.”
Sophia licked a glob of nacho cheese off her finger. “I still think it’s funny.”
“It’s not funny.” But Kaitlyn had to press her lips together to keep from grinning.
No! She forced herself to scowl. What Quinn had done was disturbing on so many levels. Not something to laugh about. “I wish I knew what was wrong with him.”
“Maybe he’s possessed.”
Kaitlyn’s mouth gaped open. “That’s a terrible thing to say!”
Sophia shrugged. “I’m not saying it’s true. But he does seem to be acting like a trickster or whatever. Haven’t you seen that episode of Supernatural?”
“I was thinking something more tangible, like drugs.”
“You think he’s high? I don’t know. I’ve seen my uncle do a lot of weird stuff, but when he’s high, he’s totally out of it. Quinn has been lucid all day.”
Lucid, maybe, but not at all himself. Kaitlyn couldn’t wait to stop by Octavia’s house on the way home. Quinn’s strange behavior had been escalating over the past two weeks. And Kaitlyn had a feeling that it would only get worse.
She couldn’t risk letting her brother go another day without some kind of help. She needed to find out what was wrong with him, before he hurt himself or someone else.
End of chapter
There are two things I’d like your help on. Firstly, Quinn is NOT AT ALL himself, which Kaitlyn will discover later. I needed this “trickster”to do some bizarre things, and I tried to keep it clean, yet at the same time, display the character of a selfish, adolescent prankster. How did I do on this chapter?
[poll id=”4″]
Secondly, it will be several chapters before we hear from Kaityln again, but if you were her, what would you do next?
[poll id=”5″]
Some of you had some trouble before with the polls. If they aren’t working for you, please leave your votes in the comment section. And please feel free to give me feedback there as well. Is this a good way to start the story? I’m wondering if, perhaps, I should start with two chapters from Drake, then give this one as a chapter, then do two more chapters of Drake. But maybe not. What do you think? This isn’t something I must decide now, either. So if you don’t have an opinion, that’s okay too.
Chapter one will be posted next Friday on January 10 and you will all meet Drake.
If you liked this prologue and want to read more, please share this post using the buttons below. Thank you!
Having the same trouble with the polls as last time. I tried refreshing to see if that would fix it and it didn’t work.
I definitely liked this prologue. You’ve got me very curious for more. 🙂
And putting myself in Kaitlyn’s shoes, I think she should talk to Octavia and then her parents. Frankly, with his behavior, I’d be flabbergasted if the school didn’t contact them and send him home after the soda bottle incident. I don’t see how they’d allow him to play basketball, that’s for sure.
I really don’t know about the last question regarding Drake’s chapters. We haven’t met him yet & I’m not even clear who he is or where he comes in so it’s hard to say. But unless you plan to have other chapters from Kaitlyn’s perspective, I think this works best as a prologue. I always find it odd when a book throws a random chapter to another character and then never goes back to their perspective. The only time it never bothers me as as a prologue or epilogue. Otherwise, I expect to pop into their heads regularly.
Hmm… Maybe I should look for a different poll plugin…
Thank you for your thoughts, Ladysaotome. Good point about him maybe not being able to play in the basketball game. I’ll have to give that more thought. I will have more chapters from Kaitlyn’s POV, but not for a while. Perhaps this “prologue or not” question is one I will ask again in a few weeks. But I like your thought on it. That’s good to know.
Well, that was definitely weird, Mrs. Williamson 😉 I’m totally confused, but in a good way. Interested to see what’s next!
Thanks, Amanda! Yes, weird is me, totally. Ha ha.It happens without even trying. 🙂
I liked it. Would continue to read as long as it’s kept clean
I think Kaitlyn should somehow with her parents help confirm that it is really her brother and not an imposter.
Okay, thank you, Joy!
I couldn’t make the poll work either, but I loved the prologue! As far as what she would do next, I don’t know enough about her character to weigh in except she doesn’t seem like the type of girl to leave it alone. : )
How funny. I submitted my comment and suddenly the poll looks like it works. I won’t double vote though ; )
That much is certain, Heather. She wants some answers. Thanks!
Very weird yet utterly intriguing, you totally got my attention in these snippets and I’m also eager to see why the total personality change in Quinn all of a sudden 🙂
I don’t think it would be productive for Kaitlyn to tell parents or other adults yet about Quinn, she should definitely observe him more and find out what she’s able to. It would be interesting to see how Quinn’s parents react to his new personality! I don’t believe confronting him will help either, his mind is elsewhere and he’s not about to confess what’s happening at this stage.
Great start, but I agree with Joy….as long as it stays clean you have a brilliant plot to work with 🙂 Looking forward to reading about Drake, thanks for posting Jill!
Thanks for your thoughts, Kara! That’s very helpful. 🙂
The pole didnt work for me either, so here’s what i would vote for:
For the first poll, I’d vote on the first option (i liked it and look forward to what happens next)
For the second pole, if I were Kaitlyn I’d probably try to confront him again in a different environment, like at home or something, and if that still didnt get any answers, I’d probably talk to Octavia and then my parents.
I think you definitely did a great job of capturing that adolescent prankster personality in Quinn! The only thing in the prologue is that at first it was hard to keep track of the girls between Janelle, Kaitlyn, and Sophia. As for starting off the book with this chapter as a prologue, i like your idea of maybe beginning with one in Drake’s perspective and then going to this one in Kaitlyn’s. Also, since we don’t really know Quinn’s actual personality yet, maybe Kaitlyn should describe him a bit more or something so the reader can see just how differently he’s behaving? Idk just a thought. And I adored all the nerdy references btw:)
Okay, thanks, Maddie! And, yes, I think I need to work more on differentiating Janelle from Sophia. And I don’t think I described Quinn at all, except in their talking about how normally shy he is. So that’s something I really need to do. Thanks!
I loved this and want more. Maybe the school is in on this change. Maybe they like it because they are winning they will not say nothing. May her friend that is sick is in on it as well. Maybe she is changing too. If she noticed her brother changing then her parents should have noted the changes unless they are both working and not ones to pay attention. Or he is charming them. Or they could be relieved. Kids and schools are weird anymore. They don’t operate in the logical rational manor. He isn’t very suttal about being different.
Good ideas, Jennifer. Thanks! I appreciate your help! 🙂
Hi Mrs Jill,
I have just read the prologue of Onyx Eyes and I am waiting foward to be reading more.
The only things I kinda disliked were the boxer dancing and the soda can thing, that was a little gross. But then again I am a homeschooler so I am not exsposed to all the things that kids in school have been. Also, I believe I’ve heard of faries being mischievous.
For the votes I think Kaitlyn should definitly tell her parents, then maybe confront Qinn himself.
Can’t wait to read more.
Bye!
I think that’s as weird as the story will get in that regard, Justice. I appreciate your honest, though. It was weird. And, can you believe, that a boy actually did that in one of my sister’s classes when she was in high school? That’s why I thought of it as something crazy that could happen in a classroom. And, you are correct, fairies are supposed to be troublesome. Thanks for you help!
Your welcome!
I’ll admit I have never written on a post before and I think what you are doing with your fantasy novel, incorperating your reader’s opinions is really neat,(and sweet)!
Talk about getting your ideas from real life! That’s crazy!
Bye!
I couldn’t get the polls to work either, but I really liked it! I think it sounds like a great story!
I think that Kaitlyn should confront Quinn first. Also, I like the idea of a couple chapters from Quinn and then this one from Kaitlyn and then back to Quinn again.
Great job!
Okay, thanks, Nicole! I appreciate your input. 🙂
Your welcome!
I’ll admit I have never written on a post before and I think what you are doing with your fantasy novel, incorperating your reader’s opinions is really neat,(and sweet)!
Talk about getting your ideas from real life! That’s crazy!
Bye!
Very interesting as always, Jill! Great writing and interesting characters. I love all the fandom references. 😉 I definitely look forward to reading more. Thanks so much for sharing this story with us!
Quinn’s antics were a wee bit much for me, but definitely believable of a teenage boy even without knowing the whole story. Without having read Drake’s chapters, it’s difficult to say which should come first. I’m eager to meet Drake and his world, especially if it’s to be his story, but this prologue definitely grabs my attention! 🙂
Sorry, this comment is rather long. I’m really loving Onyx Eyes so far, and I love hearing your thoughts on the whole writing process. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Thank you, Georgina! I appreciate your input very much. 🙂
Okay, that was just weird. Isn’t there some other way of showing that Quinn is acting different than boxers and the soda can incident? Gross.
I think that’s just crude. Even if you didn’t go into detail. I almost stopped reading. isn’t there some safer way?
And I think that Kaitlyn should corner him and give him a chewing out. Make him tell. Then go straight to the Parents!
Perhaps there is, Ember. But fairies are historically pretty weird, so I was trying to establish that from the start. Perhaps I can come up with another way, but the “fairy” who has taken Quinn’s place is a nut. I’ll think on it some more.
Eww. That was just…strange. You said in one of the last posts that Drake had taken Quinn’s place. if this is Drake didn’t you say that he was captain of the guard? Seems odd to me someone of that rank would act so totally juvenile.
Kaitlyn should totally go tattle to the parents. I would.
Yes, I did say that. But this is not Drake. This is . . . someone else. Someone Drake will encounter later when he comes to take–what he thinks will be–the human’s place. This is just a first draft. Perhaps I’ll not use this prologue at all. Or maybe I’ll find some other bizarre things for “Quinn” to do. Thanks, Chris!
Okay, that makes a bit more sense.
And just so you know, that poll won’t work for me either.
Hmmm, okay. I’ll look into a new poll plugin. I just found out my feed isn’t going to subscribers’ emails, either. Gah! I am not tech savy enough to figure this stuff out. Going to have to call in a professional, I think. 🙂
Which feed? I got an email notification of the blog post and am also getting follow-up comments. But maybe that’s because of my wordpress acount?
You did? Hmm . . . I’m glad to know that, Ember. My husband didn’t get an email, and neither did another person. Wonder what’s with that. Technology, anyway. . .
This prologue was so fun to read, Jill! I couldn’t get the polls to work either, but I think that Kaitlyn should confront Quinn again, maybe once they’re home. While Quinn’s behavior was definitely weird, his actions had me cracking up. I’m already hooked into the story and can’t wait to read more!
By the way, the choir scene was very accurate 😉
Yay! Thanks, Jillian! My choir research paid off! 🙂
Hi Mrs. Williamson!
I love the idea of writing a book but with feedback from your readers, a built in critique group!
Anyways, I think that the way Katherine should handle this is dependent on her personality. Is she a type of person who likes to handle things on her own and just likes to figure it out, or is she reliant on her parents and others to help her out. Is she close with her parents, so then she could talk to them easily without them thinking she was crazy?
I can’t wait for this story to be cranked out. I am very motivated by the way you encourage teen writers like me to write and to be inspired and inspire others. My new years resolution is to write 50 words a day (not much, but writing is not my only preoccupation haha), and to write a blog, and you have really encouraged to do that!
Thanks!
Thanks, Lina. That’s good insight for me to consider. I will have to think more about her relationship with her parents. Thanks for reading this!
I think that’s a great New Year’s resolution! Just enough that it should be easy to keep up with. You can do it! 🙂
. . .
That was definitely weird, in the extreme sense of the world. But I do want to know what happens next.
Someone needs to give fake-Quinn a few good slaps and a crash course in human behavior. xD
I liked it even though I hate, hate, hate prologues. But now you’ve made me want Doctor Who underwear.
LOL Thanks, Nissa!
Hey Jill,
I like weird books which is why I like your books! 😉 I have no fear you will keep it clean. So no worries there. I am a teacher and you see all kinds of crazy things! Is this going to be a published book when it’s finished or is it just going to stay in this format. I may have missed that part! 😉
Thanks, Carol! 🙂
I’m hoping to publish the series. My agent is shopping it around. If no one is interested, I will publish it myself.
Prologue: I thought . . .
First: I liked it. We got to meet Kaitlyn, see the world she lives in, and see the problem she is dealing with. I want to know what happens next with Kaitlyn and Quinn.
Second: Confront Quinn and get some answers from him and then go to her parents with her concerns. (I think mom and dad probably got a phone call at least about one of the incidents – Ewwwww!)
I really liked this prologue. If Drake is somehow tied in with Quinn’s strangeness (I can think of a couple of ways with this reading) I think this a great segway into Drake’s character.
I will say makes me glad I didn’t have a brother in choir with me. That might be because I don’t have a brother and was never in choir – Hmmm I think I need to think about this some more 😛
Love this Jill can’t wait for Chapter 1!
LOL Thanks, Meagan. I appreciate your feedback. Maybe you could write a story about a girl with a brother who are both in choir? 😛
That’s an idea. Just need a longer day – maybe one of your fairies could handle that for me! ;D
I really liked it. I read some of your other books and it seems to me like your writing has really improved!!!! Quinn is freaking me out. Peeing in a container….. GROSS! Something’s obviously wrong with him and I’m curious to see what. I have a strong feeling it’s tied in with the supernatural stuff in some way… I kinda think someone from the supernatural world might have taken Quinn’s looks and the real Quinn isn’t actually there. Maybe it’s even Drake who’s being the “new Quinn”. IDK. I think it would be a good idea to put this in as a chapter and not a prologue. Maybe alternate POVs of Kaitlyn and Drake? So excited for the next chapter!
Great thoughts, Brinley! Thanks so much. I like your theories too. 🙂
Forgot to mention theory 2 about Quinn’s weirdness: Bad guys stole his form and are using him to get close to Kaitlyn so they can kidnap her (she does get kidnapped, right?). I don’t know though… excited to see where you’ll take it!!!
Mwa ha ha! You shall see. But that’s a clever idea too. 🙂
Mysterious…. I’m sure my theories are pretty far off from the truth,but it’s just really fun to think about! Which is good because that means I’m enjoying it!!!!!! A LOT.
Can’t wait to see what happens…
I think this is pretty cool so far. 🙂 I think Kaitlyn should either talk to her parents or Octavia. That’s what I would do.
Okay, thanks, Victoria! 🙂
Clearly I’m late reading. I SHALL catch up! 🙂
I liked it (especially since I GET Star Trek and Doctor Who–though, TARDIS is technically capitalized).
The only thing I didn’t like was the things Quinn did. I know he’s got to seem off the wall, but I’m a visual person, and the pictures and sounds I got were a little graphic for my liking.
Thumbs up and definitely will keep reading!
Ooh, I didn’t know that about TARDIS! Fascinating. And I call myself a fan… *shakes head* I’ve fixed that now.
Yeah, I’m thinking about coming up with some other bizarre behavior for Quinn’s double. Just don’t know what yet. Thanks for reading! 🙂
I liked the conversation between their lunch and the bell ringing. That was great, with him talking and obviously not being himself. But the rest I found EXTREMELY uncomfortable and awkward. I didn’t feel comfortable reading it and wouldn’t feel good telling anyone I know to read it. I was cringing the whole time and felt like I had absolutely no business “being there” if you know what I mean. So in all honesty if I hadn’t read the summery before the prologue I would have absolutely no interest in reading more. Just thought you’d want to know that…
Okiedokie, Rebehak. Thanks!
I was very interested in the story and I think it is a great prologue. I look forward to reading the rest of the story and figuring out what is wrong with Kaitlyn’s brother!
Hi! I thought this was really good! I would like more of a background of where they are, and since we don’t know what Quinn is normally, its kind of complicated to createa difference between him amd his doppelganger or whatever. Since this is a ya novel, and I am a teenage girl ya, I mainly read ya christian and I wasnt too keen to see that one of quinn’s sister’s friends regularly has contact with an uncle who does drugs. Just no. 🙂 I understand how you put that in to elaborate context but instead of elaborating, it just made me feel depressed about the fate of the friend and her uncle.
Thanks for making such a good story!
Oh my gosh. This is too hilarious!